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Scott Dunne: The Movie/Transcript
The following is a transcript of the 2002 film, Scott Dunne: The Movie. Chapter 1: Opening (Shows Paramount Pictures logo, only seen in the US version of the film) (Shows Dreamworks Pictures logo, only seen in the international version of the film) (Shows SD-129 Productions logo) (Fades into the city of SD-129 City) Text: PARAMOUNT PICTURES and DREAMWORKS PICTURES present Text: in association with SD-129 PRODUCTIONS and WWE FILMS Text: a 1492 PICTURES/SCOTT RUDIN production (Fades to black) Text: a CHRIS COLUMBUS film (Cuts into the Scott Dunne driving in the car) Text: OWEN WILSON Text: BIG SHOW Text: THE ROCK Text: EDGE Text: MATT DAMON Text: KEVIN MICHAEL RICHARDSON Text: and ALEC BALDWIN (The film's logo fades into a fire background, stays for 3 seconds then explodes into a blue sky) (Shows pan over of SD-129 City) Narrator: Ah, SD-129 City. One of the best places on earth, as you can see... Scott Dunne and his gang are going to... (Shows the movie theater, where Scott Dunne, Big Show, The Rock, Edge, Carrotman and Carrotfather are walking to it) Narrator: You guessed, the movie theater. They are going see a new movie. Scott Dunne: We're going see a new movie! I can't wait. Big Show: Me too. The Rock: Me three. Edge: Me four. Carrotman: Me five. Carrotfather: Me six. Say, what's the name of the movie? Scott Dunne: Well... it's called Scott Dunne: The Movie. (Scott Dunne, Big Show, The Rock, Edge, Carrotman and Carrotfather walked to the ticket manager) Scott Dunne: Can I have six tickets to Scott Dunne: The Movie? Ticket Manager: Okay, here are your tickets. (hands six tickets to Scott Dunne, Big Show, The Rock, Edge, Carrotman and Carrotfather) Enjoy the show. Scott Dunne: Thanks, sir. Ticket Manager: You're welcome. (Scott Dunne, Big Show, The Rock, Edge, Carrotman and Carrotfather walked inside the theater) Carrotfather: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! (Scott Dunne, Big Show, The Rock, Edge, Carrotman and Carrotfather sit in their seats) Carrotfather: I'm so excited for the movie to start! Carrotman: Me too, Carrotfather. Hey, that rhymes! (The curtains open to reveal "Feature Presentation" text being written on a blue card) Feature Presentation Announcer: And now, we're pleased to bring you... our feature presentation. (Fades to black) (Fades into police car chasing your car) (Cuts into Scott Dunne driving into his car) Police Officer Radio: We interrupt for an important bulletin. A deadly high-speed pursuit between police and armed gunmen is underway, traveling northbound on San Pablo Ave. Scott Dunne: Yeah, I’ve got time! (Scott Dunne jumps out of the car and flies into the air and lands on the rooftop and seeing Charlie Brown on the helicopter) Charlie Brown: Scott Dunne landed on the rooftop! Uh, Got it. Here is your gun. Scott Dunne: Great timing, Charlie Brown! Charlie Brown: Hip-hop, Let’s go home! Whee! Scott Dunne: SD-129! (Scott Dunne sees the ninja is diving) Woman: He’s gonna jump! (Scott Dunne dives and grabs ninja onto the window) Scott Dunne: With counseling, I think you'll come to forgive me. Ninja: But- Scott Dunne: No buts! I want to go out and kill. Kill! Kill! KILLL! (Scott Dunne gets the match and gets on fire) Scott Dunne: See ya! (Scott Dunne dives out of the office and explodes and the parachute holds on) Crowd: Three cheers for the hero! Hip! Hip! Ring! Hip! Hip! Ring! Hip! Hip! Ring! (Scott Dunne wakes up) Scott Dunne: Hooray! I had a dream again! Chapter 2: Morning Routine/The Last Day of Work (Scott Dunne runs out of the bedroom to the bathroom while The Game by Motorhead plays) (Cuts into Scott Dunne brushing your teeth and cuts into Scott Dunne having a shower) Big Show: Morning, son! Scott Dunne: Morning, dad, It’s the last day of work! The Rock, Edge, Carrotman and Carrotfather: Morning! (Cuts into Big Show at work at the office) Office Manager: All right everyone, listen up! Today’s the last day of work! Big Show: Oh, boy. Office Manager: Before we save the world. Chapter 3: After Work/Pizza for Dinner (Big Show runs out of the office to the car) Big Show: I think we drive home. (Scott Dunne sees waiting for Big Show to drive home) Scott Dunne: Dad! Big Show: Son! Scott Dunne: No office for the next 24 years! Big Show: Great, son! Why don’t you get pizza for dinner tonight? Scott Dunne: Yes. (Cuts into night and Scott Dunne having pizza) (doorbell rings) (Scott Dunne opens the door) Man: Fire! Big Show, Carrotfather! Help! Both: I’ll save you! Chapter 4: Apartment Inferno (Big Show and Carrotfather get in car) (Big Show and Carrotfather runs into the apartment) Big Show: Okay, Carrotfather. Carrotfather: I’ll save you! (Big Show and Carrotfather holds the people on and runs away from the fire and explodes) Big Show: You did it! Carrotfather: Me too. (Fades into black) Chapter 5: Road to Japan (cuts to the docks as Scott Dunne hide behind boxes) Scott Dunne: Okay, maybe I was wrong. This is pretty scary. Seriously!? You wanna get Miss Trainor a sick present or not? Okay, okay, okay, okay. Let's go. Aw yeah. Follow my lead! (they run off & hide behind more boxes where guards stand) Scott Dunne: Oh no, There's guards! What do we do? Cartwheel. (Scott Dunne performs a cartwheel but falls & quickly hides behind the crates) Guard 1: (shines light at boxes immediately) Holy smokes! Did you see that? Guard 2: Uh, no. Guard 1: Me neither. Blue: Phew. Guard 1: (recognizes Scott Dunne) Hey you! Hiding behind those crates! Scott Dunne: Cartwheel dude! (Scott Dunne performs a cartwheel & runs away) Guard 1: Ah, huh? Where'd he go? Guard 2: (dismayed) Damn, cartwheels every time! (Guard 1 throws down his hat on the ground & Guard 2 breaks his flashlight in half in anger) (We see Scott Dunne hiding on top of a rectangular crate filled with garbage) Scott Dunne: Whew! See? How would you have any fun without me? Reading is fun. Your dad's fun! (Laughs) (Scott Dunne looks with an annoyed look) Scott Dunne: Now let's find ourselves a boat! (Scott Dunne grabs a can and uses it as a telescope. He spots a boat filled with weapons) Scott Dunne: (gasps) How 'bout this one? (A seal with big eyes appears near the boat as it loads a very large and powerful gun & shoots the seal) Scott Dunne: (quietly, with a cute face) It's perfect. Dude, let's just get on that one! (shows another boat known as Booze Cruise with people dancing on it) Scott Dunne: No way, have you seen how awesome this thing is?! The guns have guns! (showing the other boat, more guns load) Scott Dunne: This one's got boobs & beer! Dock Manager: (off-screen) BOOBS & BEEERRR! Scott Dunne: I'm gonna regret this. (Scott Dunne approach the boat but are stopped by Dock Manager) Dock Manager: Halt bra! This booze cruise is for college house dudes, and dudettes, ONLY! Hmm?? (recognises Scott Dunne) Whoa! Holy smokes! Your that Freshman 15 dude, dude! Didn't you, like, nail 15 freshman chicks in like one night? Girl: (runs off-screen) Naked party! Scott Dunne: (runs off after the girl) Here we go! Whoo! 1st! (A count down begins as Red starts to have sex with the girl. It goes to 1, then more girls appear as the counter goes to 4. While Red is doing the 4 freshmen girls, we see their Bras and Panties flying on Scott Dunne's head) Scott Dunne: Oh, no! That's like 4! Scott Dunne: (starts to walk off) Fuck my life! (cuts back to Scott Dunne & Dock Manager) Scott Dunne: Oh yeah, that was back in my college years. Can't believe it was only 15. Dock Manager: Yes bro, yes! That's what I'm talkin' about! Dude, welcome aboard bro dude bro. Keg's on the poop deck, babes on the port side, watch out for Neptune. (shows Tommy Dreamer dancing near Neptune. He stabs Tommy Dreamer as he makes a crazed angry rage face) Tommy Dreamer: Aah!! Party Foul!! (falls) Scott Dunne: Whoo! (runs on to the boat) Titties, here I come! Oh wow, that was way easy! Dock Manager: Halt, brah! This party train's sailing for Port Cool, so consider yourself the 3rd wheel. Scott Dunne: Wait, but I thought we were cool? Dock Manager: (hands Scott Dunne his drink & list) You thought thinkin' was cool? Dude? (The small bridge suddenly lifts Broseph up & onto the boat while Blue angrily drops the list & the drink) Scott Dunne: What the hell!? Sorry dude! Should've banged more Freshman chicks! How am I going to get to Japan!? Take your car, stupid! (Scott Dunne looks back at 2 dock workers) Dock Worker 1: Hey! We only have room for one more pallet! Should we load the beer or the life vests? Dock Worker 2: Load the BEER! No regrets! Dock Worker 1: No regrets! (The dock workers load the beer onto the ship while Scott Dunne quickly grabs on the box & takes him into the ship) Neptune: Let's get this party started! Captain DJ, make that anchor...drop! (The ship's captain presses a button, causing an anchor to fall in the water & the boat sails across the sea with the Bath Rhymes instrumental in the background. It then shows the map with the boat moving) Narrator: And so Scott Dunne took a Booze Cruise across the ocean blue. But they were attacked by pirates! And they were all beheaded! (A pirate boat suddenly attacks the ship & the boat sinks. It quickly comes back up) Just kidding. They all got sea scurvy & died out of their butts! (The boat sinks again in a puff of fart clouds but comes back up getting closer to Japan) No, no these are all lies. Unfortunately, they made it to Japan, but pirates sounded pretty cool right? All right, here's Japan. (The boat arrives at Japan where a giant robot can be seen walking across the city while Made in Japan by Buck Owens plays.) Scott Dunne: Whooo! Alright! (The boat's walkway comes down Scott Dunne look at the city. 2 anime women greet them.) Women: Ah, Konichiwa! (Bow their heads.) Scott Dunne: Ha. Dude. This place is so racist. Bong pai fong. (The women giggle.) Scott Dunne: You ladies wanna sumo wrestle? (Walks down the walkway.) I'm gonna die here. Guy on boat: See ya, dudes! No regrets! Scott Dunne: (waving at guy) No regrets, dudes! (Puts his arms around the women & walks with them. Blue follows. The people on the boat cheer.) (Cut to Scott Dunne walk around the city, looking around in awe.) (Time lapse. Scott Dunne watch a man cut watermelons. A "watermellon" comes to life & jumps on Scott Dunne.) (Time lapse. A man takes a picture of his suitcase. A group of women take a selfie. Red & Blue walk by while Red sneaks a picture of one of the women's behind.) (Time lapse. Scott Dunne stand in front of a train. A group of people & familiar characters like Sonic The Hedgehog rush in, taking the pair with them. Red & Blue end up on the other side of the train. Another group rushes them in again. Red & Blue are crammed inside the train with other people.) (Time lapse. Scott Dunne walk around the city again.) (Time lapse. Scott Dunne walk past a group of TVs showing an anime show.) Anime Scott Dunne: I am so angru! I'm in danger of failing out of major video game academ-y. (Sweat drop) Anime Meghan Trainor: What happened to Scott Dunne-san, I'm in love with him, ohhh? Anime Scott Dunne: Ohh? Anime Lord Tourettes: You. (In the TV store, a green man & a purple woman look at a tiny television.) TV: (sings Auto-Tuned) Why do the koi fish (grows legs) cr- cr- cry? (dances with a Japanese flag) Why do the koi fish, die, die, die? Scott Dunne: Eh, this place is too cartoony for me. (dances with Japanese flag) Why do the koi fish, cry, cry, cry? Der-der-der-der-der-der-herp-derp-dead! (Scott Dunne continue walking through the stores. Scott Dunne approaches one) Scott Dunne: Oh sick! Ramen! (picks up a bowl of food) (walks near Scott Dunne with some food) This is some crunchy-ass rice. Scott Dunne: That's a bowl of tiny cell phones. (The phones in Scott Dunne’s mouth begin ringing) Scott Dunne: I've had a lot of painful poops, but this is gonna be a bad one. Yeah, good luck with that. (While Scott Dunne continues eating, a purple woman approaches them) Purple Woman: Oh, you need a directions-u? Scott Dunne: Oh yeah wow that'd be great, thanks! (bows to her) Domo arrigato. Purple Woman: (blushes while speaking Japanese) Scott Dunne: Um, we're trying to get to this restaurant. (points to the map) Do you know it? Purple Woman: (giggles while making an Anime face) Scott Dunne: Are you okay? Purple Woman: (makes a cat face & now has a cat tail) Scott Dunne: What is wrong with her face? Purple Woman: (makes a sparkling anime face then after Red & Blue look at each other in confusion, makes a man face) Scott Dunne: Mm-hmm, yeah, uh-huh. You are extremley un-helpful. Purple Woman: Yata! Now must-a go to school today, N-okay? Sayonara! (She jumps in a giant robot head as it morphs into a giant robot. Scott Dunne stare up at it with puppy eyes as the robot approaches a giant monster) Scott Dunne: Oh, my God, all those animes were documentaries. Chapter 6: Japanese Sushi Restaurant/Meeting the Four Villains (the camera shows Japan with the Giant Robot still fighting a monster. A monorail zooms by & soon cuts to Scott Dunne) Scott Dunne: Aah! That sushi restaurant better be close. I'm hungry for some more cell phones! (phones ring in Scott Dunne's body) Scott Dunne: Dude, I think we're here. (shows Raccoon's village as wind blows by, they approach a chinese restaurant with reads 'Ninja Sushi Open All Night Baby, We're Nocturnal) Scott Dunne: How we gonna know what the Raccoon's kid even looks like? (A Raccoon, passes them) Waiter: Prease, have a seat. Scott Dunne: Huh. Guess he's not here. (while the waiter hands food to Ninjas, Scott Dunne take a seat in front of the waiter's counter) Waiter: Can I help you? Scott Dunne: Konichiwa. We've travelled a long way to find this village. Do you know raccoon is an animal? (suddenly everyone in the restaurant stare at Scott Dunne) Waiter: Raccoon!? I hate-a that guy. His-a voice sounds-a so stupid. Right guys? (shows a raccoons at another table) Raccoon #1: (laughs, ironically with the other Raccoon's exact same voice) Totarry! (to young Raccoon.) Eat your noodles. Young Raccoon: (has the same voice as well) I don't-a want to eat my noodles! Son-san: I am Son-san, son of Papa-san. The one you call 'The Raccoon.' Waiter: Hey! Get out of my restaurant! Shoo! Red: WhaaaAAAATT!? Son-san: This is my wife, Wife-san. And my son, Grandson-san. (both wave at Scott Dunne) Scott Dunne: Huh. Raccoon looks nothing like his family. Son-san: A famiry he ABANDONED when he dishonored the mighty Japan with the Great-a Sword of Destiny! It was too powerful for him, (close-up on his face) & YOU WILL NEVER FIND IT! (pulls a sword out & points to Red & Blue) Scott Dunne: Oh this is some bullshit! I want some goddamn SUSHI! (Red grabs a knife & slashes Son-san's sword) Son-san: I will cut the sushi, after I cut-a YOU! (Scott Dunne and Son-san continue fighting until Son-san throws Wasabi in Red's face) Scott Dunne: (screams) Wasabi! (throws spicy seaweed at Son-san) Son-san: Aah! A spicy seaweed! (throws Miso at Scott Dunne) Scott Dunne: Aah Miso! (throws Hot Tea at Son-san) Son-san: Oohh! Hot-a Tea-o! (Scott Dunne & Son-san both begin crying while Scott Dunne looks away with an annoyed look) Son-san: Get you! Okay, I will make you Sushi! (continues crying) (Son-san hands Scott Dunne sushi) Scott Dunne: Oh thank godzilla. (Scott Dunne begins eating the sushi) Scott Dunne: I think I liked the cell phones better. Scott Dunne: So the Raccoon, uh, Papa-san, said that you know where to find the Sword? Son-san: I swore an oath, that I would never revear the rocation of the weapon so it may never fall into his hands again. Scott Dunne: Oh no it's not for the Raccoon, It's for me. Son-san: Oh! Well that's fine! It's-a just up at that mountain. (Scott Dunne look out the window to find a giant mountain, both stare at it) Scott Dunne: Nope. (cuts to Scott Dunne reading a novel while riding in a wheelchair being pulled by a light green man. It then cuts to Scott Dunne riding on a Olive green man) Scott Dunne: Whoo! Olive Green: Red-san! Your so fat! Scott Dunne: I had a whole bowl of cell phones for lunch! Olive Green: Aah, that exprains it. (They are taken up the mountain & stop at a large temple) Scott Dunne: Oh sick! Oh, damn! I bet they got hell of swords in there! (Scott Dunne run inside the temple while the Olive Green & Light Green men follow them) Olive Green: Hey, hey, wait, you no pay! (suddenly the light green man is crushed by the door, Olive Green shivers & screams) Olive Green: Mr. Makasan! You stop. Very dangerous. You go no further! Scott Dunne: Sorry, man, we're kind of getting our quest on? Yeah, don't worry about it, pussy. (begins singing) Gettin' my quest on, singing the quest song. (Scott Dunne steps on a trap, releasing an axe & slicing the Olive Green man's head off. Blue watches with fear while Red continues walking & singing not noticing what happened) Scott Dunne: Red? Dude! Wait! (runs after him) (sings) All the girls I like, (high voice) Who's that brave ass dude? (normal voice) It's motherfucking in the Temple of Doom. (Scott Dunne continues setting off traps. Scott Dunne dodges spears pointing to him & also dodges a sword pointing out from the ground, an axe sliding by but gets stabbed by 2 arrows) (while Scott Dunne continues singing, he steps on another trap, releasing a boulder & chasing Scott Dunne. He then hits a mask which causes fire to burst from it's mouth & burn Scott Dunne. Scott Dunne then floats above spikes but when Blue grabs the rope, arrows shoot at him & fire burns him again. Scott Dunne enters completely fine while Scott Dunne follows with 2 arrows & a dart in him) Scott Dunne: Oww, a splinter? This place might be dangerous after all. Whoa. (points) There it is. Man, that little panda was right. (Scott Dunne slowly approach the sword. Scott Dunne then farts & smells it) Scott Dunne: (blows smell away) Oh my god! That's a bad one. Evasive Maneuvers! (floats up) (Scott Dunne continues to approach the sword while Scott Dunne looks down at him. Blue pulls the sword out but finds no blade on the sword) Scott Dunne: Huh? (investigates) It's- JUST THE HILT OF THE SWORD! The what of the sword!? IT'S JUST THE HANDLE! That sucks. YOU THINK!? We came all this way for the goddamn HANDLE!? (looks at a giant map below Scott Dunne) Man this is a cool drawing! It's got like all 3 condiments! You mean continents? Yeah. Uh there's squiggle, Super squiggle & America! Which one are we on now? (points) We're on squiggle! So, there's 2 pieces left? (lands down) I guess so I don't know. (The ground shakes & Lord Takagami appears with a flash of lightning, along with ninjas, Evil Ninja, The Cave King and Metal Scott Dunne who jump out of the shadows) Scott Dunne: Oh hey guys, 'sup? Metal Scott Dunne: Finally. Evil Ninja: Hello. The Cave King: Hello. Lord Takagami: We are the the Takagami demon army, our blades burn like fire, and our fire stings like ice, and our ice is really cold. We are cursed to protect the great sword of destiny from anyone who seeks to use it's mighty power. Scott Dunne: We don't want to use it, like, I just wanted a birthday present for my girlfriend. Lord Takagami: Then we shall kill her, too 'cause she will have the sword! Scott Dunne: Err, wait, dude can't we talk about this? Lord Takagami: The only thing we're going to talk about, is, uh, how dead you're about to be! (pulls out sword & slashes at the stone between Scott Dunne). Scott Dunne: Got this! (Scott Dunne leaps out of the way & smashes a hole in the wall.) Scott Dunne: This party sucks! Run for it! Lord Takagami: Seize their souls! From our point of view they are the villains, not us. It is totally rational from our side of the story. Chapter 7: Harbor Dash/Lost at Sea (The ninjas chase Scott Dunne through a forest) Scott Dunne: Dude! That's just cray! Stop running your mouth & start running your legs! Why? Are the cops coming? Yes. (Scott Dunne runs off screaming before falling off a cliff. Scott Dunne falls down the cliff & they both roll down it.) Scott Dunne: This is all your fault! I don't know why I ever let you talk me into this! (Walking on his hands) Dude, shut up the cops are coming! They're not cops, they're ninjas! Oh, really? Why do demons scare you less than cops?! Ninjas don't have guns! (Scott Dunne both fall face first onto a dock) (Scott Dunne fall off a cliff onto the the top of a boat. Harbor Dash starts playing. The ninja army are running down the cliff. Scott Dunne start jumping between the boats with the ninja army right behind them.) Scott Dunne: I should've never gone on this stupid quest! I would've been better getting her that bear trap! Oh, you mean that sweet hat? (Scott Dunne tries to push away a ladder the ninjas are climbing, but they push it back. Blue pulls up a net, trapping 4 ninjas. Scott Dunne drops the sword hilt. Scott Dunne smashes a ninja into the floor before picking up the hilt & throwing it to Scott Dunne. They start rowing in a boat. A ninja tries to jump into the boat, but misses, before being electrocuted. Scott Dunne fires a harpoon through 3 of the demon ninjas.) Scott Dunne: Ahhhh! Ninjas! Run! (A ninja throws a shuriken at the other end of a rope Scott Dunne have their feet stuck in, pulling them to the mast of a ship. A ninja cuts through the beam holding up the mast causing it to fall onto a boat carrying dynamite.) TNT Worker: Be very careful with that dynamite. It's going to the exprosion factory. (The mast hits the dynamite) TNT Worker: Wasabi! (the TNT begin to explode in slow motion, knocking the Demon Ninjas back. Scott Dunne scream in slow motion & land in a row boat, which begins sailing out to sea.) Scott Dunne: Holy crap, we made it. And we're floating away! What you talking about? I mean, the tides are carrying us out to sea! Aw yeah, Bermuda Triangle, here we come! Well, what are we going to do?! I don't know, but hey, at least we got sushi. (chunks on the piece of fish in his hand, while Scott Dunne yells out in anger) See ya, Japan! You stink crazy! (Lord Takagami watches them from a distance, and turns away.) Chapter 8: Scott Dunne vs. Evil Ninja (Cuts to a scene where Scott Dunne are lost out in sea.) Scott Dunne: Row boat triiiip! Woo! (Evil Ninja hides the crates from Japan and jumps into the water and then lightning strikes and started to rain, and a perfect storm and jumps into the boat) Evil Ninja: I’m Evil Ninja. Scott Dunne: You’re going down, Evil Ninja! (They begin fighting) Scott Dunne: You're such an asshole! I can't believe you let me think we were actually friends! (punches Evil Ninja) Evil Ninja: Well maybe I'd be friends with you if weren't such a goddamn, (punches Scott Dunne) loser all the time! Scott Dunne: I'm a loser?! I caught you masturbating to Animal Planet! (kicks Evil Ninja.) Evil Ninja: That was ONE time! You're just racist against ELEPHANTS!! Scott Dunne: (punches Evil Ninja) I can't believe I stuck by your side for 20 years! I'm not your friend anymore! Evil Ninja: Good! I'm not yours! Scott Dunne: Great! Evil Ninja: Awesome! Scott Dunne: Good! Evil Ninja: I'm glad! (Lightning strikes the boat, splitting it in half. Scott Dunne got knocked into the sea. Evil Ninja got knocked into the sea and drowns. They turn around to see a giant wave crashing into them. Evil Ninja is seen sinking. It dies & sinks into the deep, dark sea.) Chapter 9: Scott Dunne’s Dream/On the Beach/Island Rescue (the screen appears again as a dream sequence showing Scott Dunne jumping into the black ground, he hides the black wall and shoots the black ninja and jumps out when the dream ends to show Scott Dunne waking up. He pants then looks over at Evil Ninja lying on the ground) Scott Dunne: Holy smokes. Evil Ninja? Evil Ninja are you dead!? Oh, no! Evil Ninja’s dead! Big Show: (talks over the walkie-talkie) You’re lost in deserted island! You’re drowned! Scott Dunne: (gets up) God damn it! Where are we? We're on a deserted island! No, deserted isla- oh my god! Oh my god. (sits down) Oh my god I'm actually gonna die. (freaks out) I'm gonna die next to an asshole & I'll never see Meghan Trainor's boobs again! (Evil Ninja wakes up and grabs Scott Dunne) Evil Ninja: I don’t want your apology. (Scott Dunne fights Evil Ninja) Evil Ninja: Ow! (Scott Dunne throws Evil Ninja into the jungle and catching on fire as Evil Ninja runs) Evil Ninja: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! HOT! IT’S HOT! HOT! WE’RE GONNA DIE! WE’RE GONNA BURNED AND STRUCKED ALIVE!! Scott Dunne: SD-129! (A sound appears slowly) What is that? (The plane flies into the sky) Scott Dunne: IS... Is that a plane? (A plane appears fastly) Scott Dunne: (scared) Holy smokes, it is a plane!, Aim for first class! (Scott Dunne holds on into a plane and the propeller strucks Evil Ninja’s back and dies while flying over the burning island) (Scott Dunne jumps into the plane and runs and grabs the door and jumps in the plane) Big Show: Son! The Rock: Scott Dunne! Edge: Scott Dunne! Carrotman: Scott Dunne! Carrotfather: Scott Dunne! Scott Dunne: Guys! You can’t believe it! You’re alive! Cpt. Crookygrin: You're flying with Captain Major Lieutenant Crookygrin, private 1st class. Retired. (A picture of Crookygrin appears, his right hand on his head, standing at a soldier pose over a crashed plane) Scott Dunne: You're a pilot? Cpt. Crookygrin: And an alcoholic, a thousand flights, a thousand crashes. Perfect record. (The plane loses control, Crookygrin tries to gain control of the plane) Cpt. Crookygrin: Whoop, wa wa whoop, trying to flip us over you old bitch. Did I mention I'm blind? Alcohol blindness. Carrotman: (crawls slowly) You & me both, brotha (about to make a high-5, but swings his arm to ground) Uh, woo! (laughs) Scott Dunne: What are you doing flyin' all the way out here? Cpt. Crookygrin: On my way to Gay Paris, I'm meeting an old friend from the war, Colonel Dingleberry. Scott Dunne: Mr. Dingleberry? (Red surprises, opens his mouth widely) (Another frame from the war, Mr. Dingleberry & Crookygrin together, in a hole, hold pistols while a tank missile approaches them) Cpt. Crookygrin: Haven't seen him since D-Day, or Dingle Day as he liked to call it. Ha ho! We're on a top secret mission to stop 2 blokes from finding the Great Sword of Destiny. Scott Dunne: (shocked) Uh, what 2 blokes? Cpt. Crookygrin: Oh, the dossier said that their names were..whatwasit..Carrotman & Scott Dunne! (Cpt. Crookygrin stares at Carrotman & Scott Dunne with a dramatic expression. Carrotman & Scott Dunne both gasp) Cpt. Crookygrin: Say, tell an old blind man your names. Scott Dunne: Uh..Tom. Carrotman: Uh-, and..Tom. Cpt. Crookygrin: Tom & Tom! Not enough Toms in the world I've always said, by jove. All: (Nervous) For sure… Cpt. Crookygrin: This mission is important to me, lads. So important that...I've quit drinking! (Cpt. Crookygrin stares at Carrotman & Scott Dunne with a dramatic expression again) Cpt. Crookygrin: In fact, I think my alcohol blindness is being cured as we speak. (Looks out the window) I-I think I see a cloud, and an eagle! Bastard! My god, the sun! Scott Dunne: Oh geez, he's gonna see us. What do we do? Chapter 10: Flying Ninjas/Welcome to Paris/Paris Pursuit (We cut to the outside of the plane, as the Ninjas in jetpacks appear) (The Ninjas in jetpacks approach the plane) Scott Dunne: Holy crap! Are you serious!? Cpt. Crookygrin: Don't worry chaps, there's a 50-cal on the top turret. Would one of you old boys be a sport & fend off those jerries for old pip, will you? Carrotman: Alright, you shoot the machine gun, I'll keep the old guy flyin' the plane blind. Scott Dunne: That is the worst plan I ever heard! Alright fine. But in case I die, I still hate you. Carrotman: (waves to Scott Dunne) I hope they shoot you in the face! (Scott Dunne gets up onto the 50-cal & aims it at the Ninjas, where many are surrounding the plane) Lord Takagami: (approaching the plane on a Jetpack) Seize their souls! Scott Dunne: Oh smokes! Jetpack Ninjas! (back to Carrotman & Cpt. Crookygrin) Carrotman: We toasted to you so now we gotta toast to me! Cpt. Crookygrin: Well, it's only customary. To Tom! Carrotman: Who? (back to Scott Dunne) Scott Dunne: Okay. I got this. (Scott Dunne begins shooting bullets at the uncoming Ninjas, a few fly past the plane whom Scott Dunne shoots with the 50-cal. As Scott Dunne continues shooting the plane befores a swirl, killing some Ninjas)' Scott Dunne: Nice evasive maneuvers! (cuts back to Big Show, The Rock, Edge, Carrotman and Carrotfather & Cpt. Crookygrin) Cpt. Crookygrin: You leave my mother out of this you twat. Carrotman: To mothers, everyone's got a mother. Cpt. Crookygrin: Your mom's got a mother, ho-ho-ho! (Both Big Show, The Rock, Edge, Carrotman, Carrotfather & Crookygrin drinks, but then Crookygrin falls asleep & a beep sound is being heard, Carrotman looks worried. Then the plane goes up fastly & Scott Dunne crashes his head through the window, the ninjas follow the plane, Scott Dunne starts to shoot & screams & then vomits) Scott Dunne: Oh my god, i just puked. Carrotman: (looks at Scott Dunne) Don't get cocky! Cpt. Crookygrin: (suddenly wakes up)Crooky?(and drinks some more from the beer) (The plane and the ninjas keep flying & one of the ninjas leaves the trail and heads to a cumulonimbus cloud) Ninja #1: Cumulonimbus? NOOOOOOOOO! (then crashes to cumulonimbus & explodes) (Scott Dunne keeps shooting at the ninjas. The plane is almost on Paris, the Eiffel Tower can be seen, kills one of the ninjas, meanwhile, in cockpit, the calibration meter slowly turns counter-clockwise, Carrotman & Crookygrin are dizzy) Scott Dunne: Hey, Carrotman! What's your favourite animal? Cpt. Crookygrin: I like the color green a lot, but also the bathroom, cuz that's where you can barf! (vomits) (Scott Dunne shoots the last two ninjas, one of the ninjas crashes into another one. The ninjas finally killed) Scott Dunne: (happily) Hey, hey I got the last one, you guys see that? (annoyed) Course you didn't. (looks at the Notre Dame Catedral, shocked) Huh? YOU GUYS SEE THAT!?! (quickly runs back to cockpit) Pull up, we're gonna crash! Cpt. Crookygrin: (wakes up) Are you hungry? Scott Dunne: (freaks out) YOU GOTTA PULL UP RIGHT NOW, WE'RE GONNA CRASH!!! (pulls up) (Plane flies between the Notre Dame Catedral, slowly approaches the ground & crashes, slides by meters, a pandomime walks away, and sees the plane approaching to him, then plane stops. Pandomime takes a deep breathe, but plane crashes to him & a blood splatter sound is heard. In the plane, Carrotman & Scott Dunne flipped) Scott Dunne: (groans) Everybody okay? Carrotman: Ugh, I'm fine. Cpt. Crookygrin: (low voice) I'm-I'm dying. (Carrotman & Scott Dunne make a shocked expression) Carrotman & Scott Dunne: Oh shit! (Crookygrin is covered by glass shatters. Scott Dunne gets Crookygrin out of armchair, Crookygrin coughs) Cpt: Crookygrin: Here. (gives a paper to Blue) Take this. Scott Dunne: What is it? Cpt. Crookygrin: You 2 must finish my mission now, stop those 3 villains, Carrotman & Scott Dunne from finding the Great Sword of Destiny. It's hidden in the top of (whispers) La Toure Eiffel. Scott Dunne: What? What does that mean? Cpt. Crookygrin: I'm counting on you, my dear Carrotman & Scott Dunne. Scott Dunne: No, wait! What is La Toure Eiffel!? Cpt. Crookygrin: Another flight, another crash... perfect... record. Ahhhh, now tally-ho. (he dies) Scott Dunne: Cpt. Crookygrin…...noooo…..don’t die. (Scott Dunne and the heroes leaves Crookygrin on the ground) Scott Dunne: (whispers) May the eagles carry you up to heaven. Carrotman: (laughs) That dude's gonna have a hangover tomorrow! Woo-wee. (The duo leaves the plane) Scott Dunne: Dude, wait! Since it looks like we stuck together, we may as well work together. Carrotman: I mean, I guess it was pretty sharp shooting up there with those ninjas, even thought you barfed like a loser. Scott Dunne: Shut up. Come on, let's go find that blade. (Carrotman spots a Purple French waitress in front of the Café Tourettes) Carrotman: Ooh la la, yeah I'm gonna probe this waitress for directions (makes a pelvic thrust) Hmm! Scott Dunne: Wait, you're gonna do, what? Carrotman, where are you going? (Mr. Dingleberry seems reading a newspaper, then lowers the paper and dramatic music plays. At the home, Meghan Trainor tries to call Scott Dunne) Meghan Trainor: Pick up, pick up, pick up. Scott Dunne (offscreen): (phone plays a voice record) Hey, it's Scott Dunne. Just text me. No one listens to voice mail. (Phone bleeps & begins to record a voice mail) Meghan Trainor: Hey Blue, it's Pink. Just calling you for the 100th time. Where've you be-- Phone Employee(offscreen): Mailbox. Full. You crazy. Meghan Trainor: (groans) Dammit! (long pause) (Cut to the scene where Meghan Trainor goes to Lucy's apartment by bike, then a male voice heard like: "I'm gonna cut you, fool! I'm gonna cut you!" Meghan Trainor looks at the apartment & a bit worried. Then heads to the door 36DD & knocks the door. The door opens) Lucy: Sup? Meghan Trainor: Hey, Stacy. You haven't seen Carrotman around have you, Scott Dunne has answering his walkie-talkie for, like, 2 days. Lucy: Who's Carrotman? Meghan Trainor: That guy you have with every day. (Shows a calendar that has Red's name on every day except for one Sunday marked Carrotman and Carrotfather) Lucy: Hmm, which one? Meghan Trainor: The one with the hat. Lucy: Oh, Steven. (Carrotfather arrives) Carrotfather: Sup babe, ready for a round tres? Meghan Trainor: Uh, never mind! (slowly walks away) Lucy: (touches the hat) Carrotman, where did you get that hat? (Meanwhile, in France while Ca Plane Pour Moi by Plastic Bertrand plays) Mr. Dingleberry: Sorry we couldn't meet again old Crookygrin. But I'm sure I'll see you soon. I'm super old. (Chad-gendermarie comes near to Mr. Dingleberry) Chad-Gendermarie: (French accent) Are you sure it was Rogue & Blue? Mr. Dingleberry: Oh, yup. They went that away. Chad-Gendermarie: (French accent) Fantastic! We'll find zhem no matter what. Gendermarie, (speaking French)! Comb zhe area & your moustaches, especially you Jacques. (Jacques Bond combs his moustache) Jacques Bond: Oui! (Gendermarie splits up the area & looks for Carrotman & Scott Dunne, then Metal Scott Dunne, The Cave King and Lord Takagami's shadow appears, and evil laughter can be heard) Lord Takagami: Excellent work, Colonel Dingleberry. The sword is safe, thanks to you. Mr. Dingleberry: You said I'd get a reward. Lord Takagami: And you shall, you'll be seeing your friend, Crookygrin, sooner than you think! (unsheathes his sword & stabs Mr. Dingleberry) Mr. Dingleberry: Oh smokes! Should've seen that coming (dies) (Carrotman & the waitress tongue-kiss each other in middle of the table) Carrotman: Yeah! Lemme show you how to French kiss. Waitress: (French accent) Why don't you show me your Le Tour Eiffel instead? Carrotman: (laughs) What? Scott Dunne: Carrotman, what are you doing? Carrotman: Beat it, man! Kinda havin' a private moment here. (Camera zooms out to table of a couple) Dark Blue Male: (French accent) Garcon, there seems to be an asshole in our soup. (Carrotman farts at the soup, bubble sounds come out, the couple & garson leaves) Scott Dunne: (angrily) Dude, Takagami & those ninjas could still be out there, we've gotta find La Toure Eiffel. Carrotman: Don't worry about him, why don't you es car go get us a bottle of wine? (Carrotman & waitress laughs then falls from table, only waitress is visible. Scott Dunne grabs a French phrase book & tries to speak french but fails, the subtitle says: HE HAS LOTS OF PENIS CRABS, the waitress yucks then runs away) Carrotman: Don't forget that bottle o' wine! Scott Dunne: (throws the phrase book away) Seriously? We don't have time for this! Carrotman: Have you seen this place, there's wine & women everywhere. (yells offscreen) WE'RE IN PARADISE MONSIEUR! (The plane begins to take fire) Scott Dunne: Nope, this is Paris, we gotta find that stupid blade & get out of here! Carrotman: (sighs) Why do you always bossing everybody around? What are you, the king of.. Europe? Scott Dunne: I just don't have time for another interrup-- (a spotlight sound appears) ...tion. (shows a Lord Tourettes poster & LT begins to sing with an accordion) Lord Tourettes: (singing) Rumors, rumors, in France it's called frommage. It isn't a mirage. And it's (inaudible) Bagette, bagette, it looks just like a DICK! You bake it in the oven & it smells just like ASS! Cause France's favourite meal is DEAD BABY NAZI ASS CHEESE POWDER FART! (smiles) (The audience long pauses in shock & then applauses in amazement) Random Male: (French accent) Oh. I swear, it's just like my son. Carrotman: Dude, is that Lord Tourettes? Lord Tourettes: (to Carrotman & Scott Dunne) Well hello BUTT-FUCKERS! Scott Dunne: (annoyed) Yeah, that's Lord Tourettes. (Lord Tourettes jumps into a seat next to Blue) Carrotman: Dude, what are you doing in Paris? Lord Tourettes: Playing the accordian. Scott Dunne: But, why are you in Paris? Lord Tourettes: TO PLAY THE ACCORDIAN! (Lord Tourettes' accordian falls into a bowl of soup where the couple from before sits, while Lord Tourettes laughs off-screen) Dark Blue Male: Garcon, I believe there's an accordian in our soup. (Garcon angrily slaps the Dark Blue Male as he facepalms in the soup) Magneta Girl: Uh Garcon, I believe there's a man in our soup? Lord Tourettes: What are you two doing here? Carrotman: (gasps) We're here to play the accordian too! Lord Tourettes: (excitedley) REALLY!? Scott Dunne: No. Carrotman: Wait we're nooot. Scott Dunne: No! We're trying to find something called, Le Tour Eiffel. Lord Tourettes: Le Tour Eiffel? OH! You must mean, The Eiffel Tower! Scott Dunne: THAT'S what it is!? Carrotman: French is retarded! (Suddenly, the French Police break into the restaurant.) Chad-Gendermarie: (speaks French) Spread out. Find those assholes Rouge & Blue… (Scott Dunne, Big Show, The Rock, Edge, Carrotman, Carrotfather & Lord Tourettes notice the French police break in) Chad-Gendermarie: ...and KILL S'EM! Scott Dunne: (gasps) Get down! (Scott Dunne, Big Show, The Rock, Edge, Carrotman, Carrotfather & Lord Tourettes hide behind the table) Carrotman: I'm always gettin' down. Down, down, down! Chad-Gendermarie: No one kills a mime in my town.. Scott Dunne: (whispering) Stop it! Now the french police are trying to kill us too! Carrotman: This quest sucks. Whose dumb idea was this? Scott Dunne: Yours, numbnuts! Now shut up & hide! Carrotman runs off while Blue hides underneath a table, Lord Tourettes freaks out) Lord Tourettes: SHIT! (Lord Tourettes sneaks off but approached by a blue woman & her yellow son) Light Purple Woman: Waiter? Do you work here? We ordered crab legs. Lord Tourettes: (notices Chad-Gendermarie approaching him) Why.... Yes you did, they're right here. Chad-Gendermarie: (shows a picture of Red & Blue to Lord Tourettes) Waiter, have you seen these 2 men? Lord Tourettes: Uhh.... Blue Woman: Our crab legs? Lord Tourettes: A moment monseuir. (Lord Tourettes opens a lid off of a plate but is shocked to find Carrotman in it, Carrotman quickly notices & pretends to be a crab to avoid being noticed) Chad-Gendermarie: Eesh, your food looks.... Deliceous. (the yellow child tries to rip off Carrotman's arm) Yellow Child: Mama, the crab's legs won't come off! Light Purple Woman: You must first crack the shell. (The yellow child cracks Carrotman's arm with a shell cracking device) Blue Woman: There you go, take a bite. (The yellow child begins biting Carrotman's arm while tears begin running down Carrotman's face) Chad-Gendermarie: My, your food is cooked so fresh, it is still crying! My I, try a bite? Light Purple Woman: Please it is too much for us. Chad-Gendermarie: (speaks french) Merci beaucoup. (cracks Carrotman's other arm with his hands & takes bites of it while Red is crying even harder.) It is, rather tender. Lord Tourettes: It's our, uhh... Most famous dish! (giggles) Chad-Gendermarie: Men! Men! You must come over & try this crab! (Carrotman is whimpering in pain) (Scott Dunne peeks at them from the table then looks behind him at the Dark Blue Male, Scott Dunne approaches them with a sailor hat on, which the Dark Blue Male had on) Scott Dunne: Monseuir, we have finished our sweep. Carrotfather & Scott Dunne are nowhere to be found. Chad-Gendermarie: Very well, we will return tonight, for dinner! And make sure you have plenty of crab! Gendermarie, (speaking French)! (walks off-screen) Check the next Restaurant! (Scott Dunne throws the hat away, Carrotman starts crying while Lord Tourettes slaps Carrotman's arm out of the yellow child's hand) Carrotman: Take me back to the ocean! Scott Dunne: Come on dude, be quiet & we can get out of here. (Carrotman suddenly farts,Lord Tourettes notices and one of the Cops stops & looks back) French Cop: Did that crab just fart? Chad-Gendermarie: Crabs do not have BUTTHOLES! Carrotman: (screams & hugs Scott Dunne in fear) DON'T LET THEM EAT ME! Chad-Gendermarie: Open fi'ya!! (The cops start shooting at Scott Dunne, Big Show, The Rock, Edge, Carrotman, Carrotfather & Lord Tourettes, knocking down many plates & glasses. They run outside & approach someone's car in the back when The End is Over by Powerman 5000 plays.) Scott Dunne: (panics) We gotta get out of here! Lord Tourettes: (smashes the car's window for some reason) Get in! I'm-a hotwiring this SHIT! (They get in the car by the handle, while Lord Tourettes tries hotwiring the car) Scott Dunne: Come on, come on, come on! Carrotman: I'm not goin' to jail again! (the car's engine starts, Lord Tourettes giggles cheerfully) Scott Dunne: Thank god! Lord Tourettes! Can you get us to the Eiffel Tower? Lord Tourettes: You bet your sweet ASS! Now BUCKLE THE FUCK UP! It's gonna be a bumpy ride. (presses his foot on the accelerator) (The car begins to accelerate fastly, the cops open fire & Chad-Gendermarie talks to a walkie talkie) Chad-Gendermarie: (static) Alert all units, get me everrryyythiiing! (Car goes on, makes a right but stops in front of a roadblock) Cop: Freeze Americans! (Car makes a 180° & deflects some bullet shots, then makes a left & police cars & a chopper approaches them, Carrotman gasps, then 2 motorcycle cops appears, Scott Dunne blows raspberry to them, both cops cocks the pistols, Scott Dunne kicks one of them & causes the cop to die, leaves from the window) Scott Dunne: I'll be back! (Carrotman crashes the door to the cop in left, Scott Dunne jumps onto one of the motorbikes & pursuit continues. More cops, police cars & choppers come, motorbike cops open fire, Scott Dunne deflects bullets, jumps from a ramp, so the motorbike cops, but one of them dies, another one crashes into a truck, Scott Dunne jumps from a ramp & slo-mo flies over LT's hijacked car. Scott Dunne, Carrotman & LT look at each other slo-mo. Then Scott Dunne goes up from the stairs with 2 more motorbikes. They open fire & one cop crashes into sellpoint. Scott Dunne kicks the other cop & he crashes to a car, then motorbike, 2 more motorbikes come nearly to car) Umbrella Seller: (French accent) Umbrellas! Get your umbrellas. (Scott Dunne grabs the umbrella from the seller's hand & breaks it in the head of the cop about to open fire. Then other bike crashes & explodes. The helo appears behind the smoke & one of the pilots fires the machine gun from outside. Blue screams & the car deflects all the bullets, then the pilots lands on the car) Lord Tourettes: Take the wheel BITCH! (LT climbs up & Blue takes the wheel, LT & pilots begins to fight on hand, while Blue tries to drive, the car makes a sudden spin & LT begins to lose balance, pilot drops him & unsheathes his knife, LT grabs an accordion & hits it on the pilot's face, then plays a note, then beats him with the accordion, meanwhile Scott Dunne goes from downroad & cop units separate to 2. LT fights more, Red hijacks a cop truck & crashes the other one. LT drops the pilot & car smashes him. LT climbs on the helicopter, punches the other pilot & kills him. Then giggles, presses a button & a machine gun appears from bottom, shooting at the cops & destroys them all Carrotman: Where are we going!? Lord Tourettes: Follow me I'll guide you to the COCK of Paris. Carrotman: The what of what?! (The helicopter heads to the Eiffel Tower & Carrotman follows it) Scott Dunne: Chases are great! (then gasps & crashes to a cop car & flies off from the car, screams) (Scott Dunne falls to ground, slowly gets up, but a cop on a motorbike breaks the gun on his face, Scott Dunne bleeds, then gets up & gasps) All: Scott Dunne! (Big Show, The Rock, Edge, Carrotman and Carrotfather turns the car to left, opens the back door, then brakes & lifts the handbrake & grabs Scott Dunne) All: Gotcha! (The car begins to go away) Scott Dunne: (coughs) Holy crap. (All smiles) I almost died. (Carrotman looks at Scott Dunne like a badass) Carrotman: You're welcome motherfucker. (Lord Tourettes flies by the car) Lord Tourettes: Grab on! (Lord Tourettes pushes down a lever. Carrotman & Scott Dunne grab the helicopter & Lord Tourettes flies away with them to the Eiffel Tower) There it is! Le Tour Eiffel! (giggles) Chapter 11: Goodbye Paris/Scott Dunne Goes to New York City (the helicopter heads straight to the Eiffel Tower with the Police cars following them) Lord Tourettes: Fun fact, this tower was ERECTED In 1889! Scott Dunne: Gross. (They jump off the helicopter & onto the tower, helicopter crashes) Scott Dunne: Oh crap! They got us surrounded! Chad-Gendermarie: (speaks into speaker) Ho-ho you are surrounded! Get off of our cock! Carrotman: You get off of MY cock, dick! Chad-Gendermarie: Ho! How dare you! Police Officer #1, #2 and #3: Be careful, he curses well. Scott Dunne: LT, can you hold 'em off while we get the blade? Lord Tourettes: Leave it to (spins) Meeeeee. Scott Dunne: (to Carrotman) Come on. (he & Carrotman climb up the Eiffel Tower) Oh God I'm out of shape. Carrotman: Dude I'm like King Kong. Lord Tourettes: How about a little lullaby? (pulls his accordian out & sings) Go to sleep, me pettite, with dreams of fresh baguettes, drink some wine, my sweetheart, I'VE GOT FUCKING ASS SHARTS! Chad-Gendermarie: (speaks french) I am becoming... very.... Le' sleepy. (all the cops lie on the ground & go to sleep) Lord Tourettes: (continues singing) Lullaby, will make you sleep. I SAID TOURETTES, YOUR THE FUCKING DICK! (Carrotman & Scott Dunne continue to climb the tower until they reach the top) Scott Dunne: Uh, now what? Carrotman: Stick it in! Stttiicckk it iiinn! Scott Dunne: You're such a creep. (Scott Dunne sticks the hilt of the sword on top of the Effiel Tower. An electrical flash is seen after he sticks the hilt in. Blue then takes it out, with the blade of the sword on the hilt) Carrotman & Scott Dunne: Woah! Scott Dunne: two pieces down, one left to go. I wonder what that last piece is. Carrotman: I hope it's a dragon! Scott Dunne: I really don't think it's a dragon. (Carrotman & Scott Dunne climb down) Lord Tourettes: (whispers) Oh! Splendid! You found it! Carrotman: (whispers) Yeah, but we're still missin' that last piece. Scott Dunne: (whispers) Oh wait, the letter! (pulls the letter out) Damn it it's in French! Lord Tourettes: (whispers) I can read it! (gets rid of acordian and takes the letter & reads) It says, the last piece of the sword, is a FFF- (struggles not to swear while Red & Blue shush him) Gem! It's a gem. And It's hidden in ASS- (struggles not to swear) In a mountain behind your C- CO- (growls & falls over) Hometown! Fantastic! Red: (gasps) Really? (speaks french) Scott Dunne: Yeah, that's way convenient. Lord Tourettes: Good (quietly) fucking luck you two! I hope you find, (waves) your destiny. Scott Dunne: Oh man! Thanks Lord Tourettes! (waves) See ya! Carrotman: Adios little green man! Lord Tourettes: Au Revior, (loudly) MOTHER FUCKERS!!! (covers mouth and looks left) (the cops wake up) Carrotman: Aah! Run! (Carrotman & Scott Dunne climb down the Effiel Tower while Lord Tourettes pulls a gun out) Chad-Gendermarie: Don't let zhem get away! They have de-filed France's cock! (the cops chase them) (shows Metal Scott Dunne, The Cave King and Lord Takagami coming out of some bushes) Lord Takagami: That sword will be MINE! Oooooooooooohhhhhhhh. (hides in the bushes slowly) (Cuts into Scott Dunne) Scott Dunne: Bye, guys. See you later. (we see Scott Dunne travelling to New York City in the map when We Want Fun by Andrew W.K. plays) Narrator: (off-screen) And so, Scott Dunne escaped from the Takagami Demon Army & French police & took a long convoluted map journey home to find the last piece of the Great Sword of Destiny so Scott Dunne could get Meghan Trainor a birthday present, or something. I don't know, this movie is crazy. Am I in your mind? Are you in mine??!! RRRAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! (shoots himself) (Scott Dunne arrived to a metro station, a train crashes into their handcar) Scott Dunne: Ugh, I'm never taking a plane, boat, submarine, turtle dragon, motorcycle, rocket, parachute, train, handcar again. Yeah, I mean, probably not. (Scott Dunne climbs from the ladders and gasps. A bar is shown, the R's light is twitching, then a medical, then an theatre named "Girls Nude", some of the girls groaning offscreen) Scott Dunne: Ah, America. It's good to be back. (climbs from the stairs & looks at the map) Okay. According to LT, the gem of the sword is hidden in a mountain. Are there any mountains around here? (Scott Dunne looks around Red looks under his legs, then spots a mountain) Scott Dunne: Huh. Never noticed that before. (Lucy comes up) Lucy: Sup boys? Scott Dunne: Lucy? I see 2 mountains right here! (goes near to Lucy) Oh crap, not now! Dude, we don't have time for this. (Lucy hugs Scott Dunne) Scott Dunne: Pssh, it can wait a little bit. The gem hasn't gone anywhere for like a billion years. Meghan Trainor's birthday party can start any minute! No gem, no sword. No sword, no present. No present, no Meghan Trainor! Chapter 12: Scott Dunne Goes Undercover/Scott Dunne Captured! (Scott Dunne hides the office of New York City) Scott Dunne: I think will need to talk. (Cuts into Metal Scott Dunne, The Cave King, Lord Takagami, Undertaker, Tommy Dreamer and Kane in the conference room) Metal Scott Dunne: Sesame seed. (Scott Dunne hides the wall and crawls the table and runs into the wall of lava and runs and dives into the darkness office and lights in and Scott Dunne runs) (The ninjas, The Cave King, Lord Takagami arrives and Scott Dunne runs away from and they got captured) Chapter 13: Saving Scott Dunne/The Cave Fight (one of the Ninjas take a bag off Scott Dunne as he begins to wake up finding himself held by two Ninjas) Scott Dunne: Hey, what's going on!? OH MY GOD! (shows a pool of lava underneat him) What the hell!? (Lord Takagami, The Cave King & his Demon Ninjas are on another cliff above Scott Dunne's. Lord Takagami inserts the gem on the sword as it shines) Lord Takagami: YEEEEAAAAAAAHH!!! Oh my God, check this out! It is so cool! Isn't this cool!? (Lord Takagami stabs one of his Ninjas) Ninja #2: Oh boss! That feels crazy! Whoooaaaaaa.... (falls in the lava, Scott Dunne sees this & turns his gaze up to Takagami) Lord Takagami: I suppose we should be thankful Blue-san. You led us straight to the Great Sword of Destiny, and now I am going to avenge every person who has died, EVER! Scott Dunne: Wait, what about all those people who died of old age? Lord Takagami: Them TOOOOOO!!! (Scott Dunne angrily struggles to get out of the Ninjas' hands) Scott Dunne: THAT'S A STUPID PLAN!! Now give me back that sword! Lord Takagami: Hm! Your a stupid plan! (off-screen, shows Scott Dunne looking down at the lava) Throw the round head into the Volcano! (Scott Dunne begins to panic, Scott Dunne kills the ninjas and falls into the volcano, and before falling into the lava, Scott Dunne jumps into the cliff. Raccoon swings in & takes the Sword from Lord Takagami) Lord Takagami: MY GHOST KNIFE!! Scott Dunne: You’re going down for this, ninjas! Scott Dunne: After I finished drinking all those girls & screwing all that Beer, I decided I should come back, for my friend! I must be dead. Raccoon: Brue-san! The red one tells the truth. You have a very good friend indeed. Scott Dunne: You were right man, for once I gotta finish what I started. Plus that sword is pretty tight. That's what I've been saying the whole time! So, (smiles) you're back? I'm back dude. (Lord Takagami & Raccoon jumps to a rock then Takagami unsheathes his sword, the 2 prepare for the final clash) The Cave King: NOOOOO! NEVER! Scott Dunne: See you in hell, The Cave King! (The Cave King falling into the lava and got burned) Scott Dunne: RUN! (Scott Dunne runs away from the ninjas and Big Show jumps) Big Show: Son! Scott Dunne: Dad, What are you doing here? Big Show: I’m fighting those ninjas. (Scott Dunne and Big Show jumps in the office and runs and fights the ninjas) (Scott Dunne and Big Show fights the rest of the ninjas and The Rock) All: You’re going down for this, ninjas! (Scott Dunne, Big Show and The Rock beat those ninjas up and dives into Edge) Edge: Edgecution time! (Edge throws ninja into the air and kills by sharp knife and cuts into Carrotman and Carrotfather dives and get those carrot powers to the last two ninjas) (Lord Takagami arrives.) Lord Takagami: Scott Dunne, Guys? What are you doing here? (Scott Dunne fights Lord Takagami) Scott Dunne: Get in hell of piece of SD-129! Go to hell! (Scott Dunne fights Lord Takagami and falls into the lava and got burned) Chapter 14: Metal Scott Dunne is shrinking into a giant! Scott Dunne: Shettle do, ninjas, shettle do. (he puts the self-destruct button) Computer: Self-destruct sequence activated. 10 seconds to explode. 10… Scott Dunne: Guys, We have to get out of here! (Scott Dunne, Big Show, The Rock, Edge, Carrotman, Carrotfather run out the Takagami Mountain and explodes) Scott Dunne: Guys! That was so close! (Cuts into Metal Scott Dunne is chasing by Tommy Dreamer, Kane and Undertaker) (Cuts into Metal Scott Dunne and goes into the shrinking room and shrinks into a giant and destroys the shrinking room) Metal Scott Dunne: (deeper voice) Hello, guys. (Everyone runs away while Meghan Trainor and the rest of townsfolk scream in fear) Meghan Trainor: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!? Chapter 15: Final Battle for Metal Scott Dunne/Happy Ending Scott Dunne: Guys, come on! (Scott Dunne and the guys flying through the roof and Scott Dunne gets the gun and shoots the hands) (Scott Dunne smiles. lets go of the sword. The sword falls into Giant Metal Scott Dunne's mouth, who chokes & explodes. After a few seconds, the smoke clears Carrotman & Scott Dunne cough & recover as Metal Scott Dunne falls through the roof) Carrotman: Holy smokes! You okay? Scott Dunne: No way. You? Carrotman: Nah. Hey man, I'm sorry I've been such an asshole. I've uh, never really had a friend before. Scott Dunne: Really? Carrotman: Yeah. Scott Dunne: It's all good man, just stop pooping in my bed okay? Carrotman: I never pooped in your bed. Scott Dunne: I've been pooping in my sleep!? Carrotman: Nah I'm just messin' with ya I poop in your bed, but I won't anymore. Scott Dunne: (Gasps) Miss Trainor! (Meghan Trainor runs up to Scott Dunne) Meghan Trainor: Mr. Dunne! Scott Dunne: Miss Trainor! (Meghan Trainor & Scott Dunne hug each other) Meghan Trainor: I was so worried about you! I thought you were dead! Scott Dunne: I told you I'd get you something special. (Meghan Trainor & Scott Dunne kiss) Meghan Trainor: I love you. Scott Dunne: Heh. I love you too. The Rock: I got a boner! Scott Dunne: (sarcastic) Good one. The Rock: Dude, aren't you glad you went on this quest? Scott Dunne: Yeah, man. I told you I wasn't a pussy. The Rock: Pssh, I always knew we could pull it off. Scott Dunne: Really? The Rock: Well, yeah! Cuz we're awesome! (The Rock & Scott Dunne end the movie with a high-five. The high-five gives an electrical shock as we cut to the film's logo zooming in while I Stand Alone by Godsmack plays.) Chapter 16: End Credits Text: Directed by CHRIS COLUMBUS Text: Written and Storyboarded by DANIEL GERSON & ROBERT L. BAIRD and MICHAEL G. WILSON and JOE STILLMAN Text: Based on the Video Game by THQ Text: Game Series Created by PACIFIC COAST POWER & LIGHT (Shows clips from the film) Text: Produced by SCOTT RUDIN Text: Executive Producer CHRIS COLUMBUS Text: Executive Producers VINCE McMAHON RIC KIDNEY Text: Sequence Director DEREK DRYMON Text: Sequence Director MARK OSBORNE Text: Director of Photography JERZY ZIELINSKI Text: Production Designer NICK JENNINGS Text: Editor LYNN HOBSON Text: Supervising Animation Director ALAN SMART Text: Lead Storyboard Artist SHERM COHEN Text: Animation Directors DONG KUN WON YU MIN JEONG HOON CHOI HEE MAN YANG SANG KYUN SHIN Text: Music by MICHAEL KAMEN Text: Executive Music Producer KARYN RACHTMAN Text: Line Producer AARON PARRY Text: Associate Producer RAMSEY ANN NAITO Text: Story Edited by TIM HILL (Fades into black) (Shows the scrolling credits) (Curtain closes as the movie finishes and cuts into Scott Dunne, Big Show, The Rock, Edge, Carrotman and Carrotfather at the movie theater) Scott Dunne: You know, Owen Wilson as a great artist. Concession guy: Excuse me, guys. You folks have to leave. Scott Dunne: WHAT?!! Say it again if you dare! Concession guy: You folks have to leave. Scott Dunne: Okay. (Scott Dunne, Scott Dunne, Big Show, The Rock, Edge, Carrotman and Carrotfather leaves the movie theater as concession guy sweeps the floor) (Fades into black) Text: Distributed by Dreamworks Distribution LLC (Fades into black) (Shows 1492 Pictures logo) (Shows Paramount Pictures logo, only seen in the US version of the film) (Shows Dreamworks Pictures logo, only seen in the international version of the film) Category:Transcripts